The List:

In commemoration of Danielle's birthday, I've decided to compile The List, which is essentially a running joke of deal breakers.

-ventriloquists
-policemen
-mimes
-undertakers
-psychologists
-Mormons (or fanatical religious men)
-if you have a god complex.  See: architects, doctors, lawyers, contemporary artists. (I should note, I am not excluding all architects, doctors, lawyers, and contemporary artists, just those with the aforementioned complex).
-if you shave your chest
-if your neuroses exceed mine
-lisps
-baby talk, Statin Island-/Jersey Shore-talk, or really, any talk that defies the rules of grammar
-unemployment over six months
-if sports get you off better than sex
-hunters
-golfers
-baggy pants that hang down to your knees so I'm forced to see your flat butt; contrarily, if your pants are tighter than mine
-if you wear more jewelry than me
-long finger/toe nails
- make-up
-white supremacist/bigots of any sort
-if you pronounce "often" phonetically (and not "off-in") for the sake of pretension
-if your intelligence is haughty and for the sake of competition
-skid marks/if you don't flush the toilet/pee on the toilet seat or out of the toilet altogether
-clinginess/neediness/flakiness
-if you have children
-organic vegans
-if you confuse the concepts of opinion and fact
-mamas-boys (see those of Mediterranean or Jewish decent)
-Anyone pre-1970/post 1990
-If you wear double polo shirts with a popped collar
-If you play World of Warcraft, play Magic cards, or enjoy animaie; if you play more than 6 hours of virtual reality-type games a week
-You consider paintball a hobby
-You identify as right wing
-Dandruff
-If you own Friends on DVD
-country music
-man-icures
-self-proclaimed artist/writer/musician
-renaissance fairs or conventions of any sort
-rat tail, mullet, or pot belly
-If you eat fast food more than 4 times a year
-more than 500 facebook friends
-smoking cigars in my presence
-If you shush me
-tempers/bad communicators
-if you smell; if you shower less than 3 times a week and/or brush your teeth less than twice a day
-clownsor stand0up comedians
-mafia/mob/gang affiliates
-actors and opera singers
-wearing pink
-obsession with designer with designer-wear
-fetishes
-country music
-if you use money as power
-if you don't read at least one book a month
-if you're too serious
-if you're too funny
-taxidermists
-bird watchers
-jewelers
-southerners